So, you're looking at getting married, yeah?

That's awesome! I do not claim to be a marriage expert by any means, but the Lord has allowed my wife and I to (1) encourage and counsel many young couples throughout their engagement and early seasons of marriage and (2) allowed us to grow through seasons of our own in a short amount of time.

Today, I'm looking writing about compassion because everyone could use a little more and have noticed that it's not as talked about and should be. But before jumping in, we must establish a foundation--compassion is an attribute that stands upon a foundation; that is, the gospel.

THE GOSPEL

There are two things I want you to cling to in light of marriage. First, marriage is something that first comes from our identity in Christ. This is paramount and you may think I know this, but do you? Our identity in the person and work of Jesus must be the place where we most clearly see our value. Consider the words of Paul to the church in Corinth:

Now I would remind you, brothers, of the gospel I preached to you, which you received, in which you stand, and by which you are being saved, if you hold fast to the word I preached to you- unless you believed in vain. For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Cephas, then to the twelve. (1 Corinthians 15:1-5)

Many consider marriage as a pathway to completion and I promise you will be sorely disappointed. Our identity must rest in the person and work of Jesus first. If our purpose in life is to glorify God then our joy comes from Him working in and through us--what do you think the purpose of marriage will be?

Second, marriage is a display of the glory of Christ. I wanted to marry my wife because I saw the Holy Spirit at work in her life as she served Jesus and she saw the same in me; this is what led us to spend the rest of life together. When we became one, we became (or suppose to) a visible demonstration of the work of Jesus and a visible demonstration of our need for Jesus. Marriage, friends, is a testimony of how well you know the truth of the gospel.

COMPASSION

Patience, humility, and authentic friendship come from compassion; they are results of it. Compassion means to suffer and walk alongside of others--most notably in times of inconvenience.

Here are two examples to illustrate my point, one from our life and one from counseling:

My wife has a rough past and Jesus has rescued her from all of that, but that doesn't mean she doesn't struggle with things from the past--sometimes, it's depression or fear. Before we got married I wanted to make sure I knew as much from her past as I could to do a few things: (1) speak the gospel to her when she hears lies from the enemy, (2) shut up and open a bottle of wine, and (3) walk with her through those times as slowly as she needed me.

While we have had several victories because of our compassion toward one another, there are times where I jack it up because moments like these come at an inconvenience to me.

"Now many saw them going and recognized them, and they ran there on foot from all the towns and got there ahead of them. When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them because they were like sheep without a shepherd. And he began to teach them many things. And when it grew late, his disciples came to him and said, 'This is a desolate place, and the hour is now late." (Mark 6:33-35)

The disciples were ready to head out, but Jesus stayed because the people had a desperate need. Do you have and show compassion to your spouse in times of need?

We're counseling a young couple looking to marry and the woman has also experienced a rough past. The man is big on "getting things done" and that may have its perks, but as we have discovered that in the area of compassion is where his patience tanks. The result is a distance between them emotionally and spiritually.

"We've already talked about this" is one of the worst things to say and alludes to a dangerous way of thinking; a lack of genuine care and interest in your spouse (or future spouse).

"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 2:3-5)

Compassion in marriage is for the purpose of glorifying God--pointing our needs toward Him--and is a demonstration of Him; meaning, it's missional. And marriage is only as strong as the foundation it rests upon.

Is your foundation the finished work of Christ or in the idea that you got this?

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